Yes! Yes! Yes! = Consent Means Enthusiastic Consent
This past month IMPACT piloted our new seminar, From Sexual Assault to Consent: A Proactive Solution with St. John’s College. We served their entire freshman class and half of their upperclassmen. The students loved it because guess what? We talked about sex! And you know, philosophy is cool and all, but what college student isn’t dying to talk about that?!
Nationally, 1 in 4 college women will experience sexual assault during her academic career and 70%-80% of the time she knows the assailant. However, almost 50% of college women who were victims of rape according to the study’s definition did not consider what had happened to them rape. Many of these and other sexual experiences may fall under the category of what has been called “gray rape.” It did not feel good; it may have felt violating or shameful; and yet it was not clear to them that it was a sexual assault. Many sexual experiences fall in a gray area where she didn’t actually want to, but he didn’t know that.
How do we prevent these regretted experiences from happening in the future? Communication skills. Communication skills are not only the key to preventing regretted experiences, but they are also the key to good sex! How can you be sure that someone wants to kiss you before you lean in? A kiss is rarely simultaneously initiated! Someone has to tilt his/her head first! So how do you know it’s wanted? Ask! It doesn’t have to be stilted. Sure, it might be strange at first. But it feels so much better knowing that you’re kissing someone who wants to kiss you. It feels better to go to bed with someone knowing they really want to go to bed with you also!
This is an exciting seminar because it shifts the onus of responsibility from the receiver to say ‘no” to both pa rties saying “yes” for consent to be given. And really, most of us would rather have a sexual experience where the other person is saying “Yes. Yes!” or “Well, not that, but I really like what you’re doing now!” or <I>”Oh yeah!”</I>